When a break occurs in conversation, it’s common for people to try to fill the empty space by speaking, even when they don’t have anything particular to say. For example, let’s say someone has asked a question and the other person hasn’t answered right away, it’s common for the asker to jump in and provide an answer. In this scenario, however, if the asker can hold their tongue, the answerer will have time to provide a fully-formed, authentic response.

Another scenario where this tool could be useful is during emotional conversations, where you get triggered and might feel the need to answer right away. If you hold your tongue and take some time to process, you might find a response more aligned with your whole self.

• People have the time to fully express themselves.
• Removes pressure to artificially fill the conversational void.
• Leaves room for people to think and feel.

• People often feel responsible for keeping the conversation alive.

Learn to be quiet until there’s an authentic need to speak. This requires being in touch with yourself and identifying whether your reason for wanting to talk serves you at this moment. If you feel discomforted by the silence and notice thoughts such as “it’s my turn to say something, it will be weird if I don’t,” or “I’m boring the other person”, that’s a good sign that your desire to speak might not be serving a deeper need. If your reason to talk comes from an intention to deepen the conversation or share something personal, that’s a good cue to share.