To begin, get your partner’s agreement to try out this tool - not everyone likes to communicate using huge chunks of text! If they are willing to try it out, establish a common communication channel. Note: this should not be a channel you are already using for other purposes, because, as the name suggests, Mega Threads can be quite large and intensive. You don’t want the mega thread clogging up your other text communications. It’s better to open a dedicated group for the two of you on Whatsapp or Telegram, start an email thread, create a shared Google Doc, or find whatever method works best for you.

To begin, create the mega thread by picking one or more topics you want to work on. Take a big breath, and start writing about the situation at hand, expressing everything that’s on your mind: all your feelings, needs, wants, desires, fears, grudges, and blame. For this to be most effective, it’s best to include trigger warnings above any text that might be particularly difficult for your partner to read, and/or add statements of love and goodwill. Prefacing especially sensitive sentiments with a disclaimer, or reminding your partner that you care, can help you be fully heard. At these points, you can ask them to stop and breathe before proceeding, or explain that you’re describing your inner thoughts and voices, which might include parts of yourself that you’re not wholly identified with. This can help them get into a more receptive state and allow them to read your words without overreacting.

After you’ve fully expressed yourself, it’s your partner’s turn. It’s important for them to pick a good time to reply, while they are present and relatively calm, and have ample time. They respond to everything you wrote in a similar manner, explaining their side of the issues. Either after they finish replying to everything, or perhaps before they reply, they can add new topics that bother them.

This type of discussion can have a tendency to branch out into other side topics, quickly developing into an extremely large, unwieldy thread. To manage this tendency, it’s helpful to identify tricky side topics and file them separately in a backlog, perhaps in an Excel or Google sheet, for later processing. This ensures that the main thread doesn’t become too big to handle, and simultaneously prevents you from forgetting anything important. After the main thread has subsided, you can pick new topics to process from the backlog.

You can employ Mega Threads in a focused effort to address one specific subject, or as an ongoing tool to process issues as they arise. After going back and forth a few times on a topic, hopefully you’ll feel at least some relief and mutual understanding.